Considering I don’t write much anymore, I figured I would start again by giving my pal Joey some music recommendations while I try to acquire the money to start YouTube. He’s into rock music, so the artists I recommend likely make music within the broad spectrum of rock music (anything from electro rock to pop punk to death metal to post-rock). However, I may throw some oddballs in there from time to time, in hopes that I may persuade Joey that other genres are great too.
Before I start: Joey, I would recommend you download Spotify, so you can hear the bulk of these artists and their albums with ease. It’s a free streaming service that you can download to your computer. Yes, it’s legitimate. The artists add the music to the site themselves and, unlike Pandora, you can custom-create playlists with your favorite songs. It’s much better than skipping around YouTube and only costs you listening to some advertisements here and there, so that the artists you’re listening to make some money from their music… But it’s your choice!
You can download Spotify here: https://www.spotify.com/us/
Okay, now let’s kick off the list with…
5. letlive.
Bolstered by heavy riffage, introspective and, oftentimes, sarcastic lyrics, Jason Butler’s vocal range, and his stage antics (yeah, he’s a crazy motherfucker), letlive. is one metalcore outfit I wouldn’t overlook in an otherwise stale genre. I would definitely recommend you listen to their albums “Fake History” and “The Blackest Beautiful.”
While Joshua Tillman’s departure from the excellent indie folk group Fleet Foxes was a bit disappointing, he definitely came into his own with his solo project Father John Misty. While “Fear Fun” was great debut, Tillman really delivered with last year’s “I Love You, Honeybear.” It sounds like a vintage folk record from the ’60’s that you found in grandma’s attic. You may get some dust in your eyes, but you’ve stumbled upon a real hidden gem. It’s quaint, it’s soulful, it’s folky, it’s hilariously sarcastic, it’s very cynical and it’s very under-appreciated. It’s also very perfect that Father John Misty appeared in Netflix’s exclusive show Master of None, as “I Love You, Honeybear” could be considered the album version of the show’s first season.
At the turn of century, the punk spirit was mellowing out, punk bands were throwing in the sweaty towels, pop punk bands took their place, and Floridian punk rock band, Against Me!, released the last great rebel cry with their album “Reinventing Axl Rose,” but, they too, mellowed out. Their albums underwhelmed me to the point that I gave up on them. One day in 2012, however, I was hanging out with my friend and he said to me, “Hey, did you know that Tom Gabel came out as transgender?” I replied with a “Huh.” and we moved on. I didn’t think much of it and, upon hearing their first song since then (“FuckMyLife666”), my interest was instantly renewed. Tom Gabel transitioned and changed her name to Laura Jane Grace and their music also made a transition. On their album “Trangender Dysphoria Blues,” it came back to life with great intensity, perhaps because it felt like it was made with purpose. The album’s production was disappointingly clean and it didn’t focus solely on transgender topics like I wished it would have, but the songs that did were still great. When I reviewed the album in January of 2014, I gave the album a 7/10 and summed the critique up with, “This is not the Against Me! that I grew up listening to, but the brave new world that is raging inside of Grace is intriguing… and I want to see more of it. ‘Transgender Dysphoria Blues’ is not perfect, but it is beautiful… in the most grotesque, noisy punk rock way.”
Listen to “Reinventing Axl Rose” on YouTube and Spotify.
Listen to “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” on YouTube and Spotify.
Deftones has so much to offer that I think you should just listen to their albums. Long-story-short, I absolutely adore them and I can’t wait to hear their new album, “Gore,” which was just released two days ago. If you want a few songs to start you off, listen to “Diamond Eyes,” “Hole in the Earth,” “Sextape,” “Tempest,” and “Change (in the House of Flies). It wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve heard a few of them. And, while I suggest you listen their whole discography, my favorite albums are “White Pony” and “Diamond Eyes,” which are both great places to start.
Deftones on YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/deftones
Deftones on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/6Ghvu1VvMGScGpOUJBAHNH
They’re not as great as I made them out to be as a teenager, but they’re still my favorite band. I love every project they made prior to “American Beauty/American Psycho” and, once again, I recommend you listen to all of their music.
Fall Out Boy on YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCe3I9BAVCzf9oACYU1EtrxA
Fall Out Boy on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/4UXqAaa6dQYAk18Lv7PEgX
Well, everyone, that’s it for now. Be sure to come back here every Friday for more recommendations (which will get more broad on a weekly basis) and, well, thanks for reading.
As for Joey, I know I said there would be more, but I was really fucking exhausted this weekend. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed.
As my blog descends further and further into obscurity and transitions from “what can be” to “what could have been,” I realize that I’ve made a huge mistake. It’s not that I lost my passion for critiquing or telling people about the music that I’m really digging, I just lost the will to continue… Not my blog, but everything. I spent the majority of 2015 in this room, no exaggeration. I watched the snow fall, the trees blossom, the sun shine brightly, and the leaves fall from the trees through the window to my left from the bed I’m currently sitting on all year long. Now, the snow is falling once again. I’ve had all of the time in the world to listen to new music and analyze it for hours on end, but, instead, I wasted that time contemplating my life, thinking about… no, dwelling on all of the things that make me feel sad, and wondering where I went wrong.
In the final months of 2014, I was determined to be rid of this depression and the overwhelming migraines and perpetual lack of energy that came with it. So, I struck up a conversation with Aaron via facebook and talked with him about my ambitions and goals for the page before telling him about the condition that I was in. I’m not really the type that talks to mere acquaintances about personal problems, but I was physically ill which caused some lip-looseness and, since I don’t have many people in my life that actually care about my well-being, he was my best option. If I remember correctly, Aaron’s advice was to give the blog a break and try to fix my problems and return to it once things improved. I didn’t listen to him. I pushed on until I was too depressed to continue and all out of hope anyway. Then I tried to fix my problems, but never came to any solution.
And, to be honest, I don’t know why I waited until a year has passed to say or write something. I guess this is more of an apology than anything. An apology to myself for dropping everything when something was finally coming from this… To start with, I could have interviewed momocashew! That may not sound all that huge, but I’m a big fan of her work with Mili. I wrote the questions and everything before she said yes, but I never e-mailed her back. Maybe this blog would have ended at that, but I would have considered that a high note. It would have been better than this. But, I owe someone an even bigger apology: Aaron. He wrote spectacular content for this blog and I never even posted it. I would have posted it later on because it’s still relevant, but facebook removed any chats I’ve had with him earlier than the beginning of 2015. Regardless, he’s a great critic and I shouldn’t have ruined this for him. I’m sorry, man.
At the moment, I’m still doing things on the internet if anyone reading this interested. At the very end of 2014, I joined a Fallout-oriented gaming page on facebook called Vault Girl. It had nearly 14,000 likes when the owner decided to unpublish the page mid-2015. Once it was gone, I started my own gaming page and I now have over 1,000 likes thanks to admins I had become acquainted with through the “Fallout community” and due to recognition from those who liked my content on Vault Girl. My page is called Vault Bro: www.facebook.com/AyyyyVaultBrruuuh Feel free to stop by and check it out. Also, I’m going to try to resume my business here. I’ve said it several times, but this time will hopefully be different. I’m still passionate about music and I hope I can push myself back into it’s warm embrace. If Aaron wants to join me once again, it’s up to him.
I hope that the “Go”-naysayers, especially the ones that labeled Grimes (née Claire Boucher) a “sellout” after [barely] listening to the only song in her relatively brief discographical drought, hang their heads in shame as they bask in the rays of sunlight emitted from Grimes’ new track “REALiTi” and cherish every second of it’s melodic beauty. Sure, “Go” admittedly wasn’t Grimes’ best track. It was merely a musical departure in the sense that “Go” is her most accessible track to date solely because it gravitates towards the more commercial, upbeat end of the narrow electronic pop music spectrum. But what did you expect from a producer who’s known to change her sound as often as she changes her hair color and happens to be signed to the Austin, TX of record labels (4AD), no less one who was collaborating with Blood Diamonds (of the OWSLA roster) to create the next Rihanna hit? However big of a disappointment “Go” was though, it was a welcome addition to my Spotify playlists and it was one of the best additions to pop music last year. And when Rihanna and her team denied “Go,” Boucher did the intelligent thing and kept it for herself. But what did you expect her to do? Scrap it? I wouldn’t have suspected Miss Boucher to be the type to scrap anything, well, until I read about what she was planning to do with “REALiTi” in the description of the demo’s corresponding music video:
“since this is no longer gonna be on the album, I’m releasing it as a special thank you to everyone… who came out to the shows!”
“This song was never finished. its a demo from ~ the lost album ~, recorded early 2013. i lost the ableton file, so its not mixed or mastered. i tried to doctor the mp3 into a listenable state, but it was poorly recorded in the first place and never meant to be heard by anyone, so its a bit of a mess haha.”
Never meant to be heard by anyone? A bit of a mess? If it’s a mess now, I’m curious as to how poor “REALiTi” sounded before Grimes used her production savvy to bring it to a “listenable state.” Either Grimes has the ability to turn garbage into gold (and I’m not doubting that she does) or she is quite meticulous about the production and distribution of her music. In this case, I believe it’s the latter. While Boucher’s display of perfectionism here can lead you to believe that her next album will be a career-defining critical success, I’m worried that her next album might be a “Visions” duplicate. That may sound great to the hardcore Grimes fan, but I know that Grimes is capable of creating something much more. The biggest gripe that I’ve had with her music up to now is that she has an itchy trigger finger in terms of production. While acutely attuned to details, Claire has the tendency to over-produce and add unnecessary layers of polish to her music. “Visions” was great, but, ironically, Claire’s perfectionism held the album back from reaching it’s full potential by wiping it of any imperfection (imperfections that other artists, especially those in IDM, build whole albums on). As a result, Grimes’ major label debut was over-flooding with reverb and glossed-over synthesizers that put the “synthetic” in computer-generated sounds.
Thankfully, “REALiTi” is devoid of any of those issues. Rather than sounding processed and sanitized like the rest of the music Claire has released, “REALiTi” is raw and honest, but manages to be just as smooth, free-flowing, and atmospheric as her previous works. Furthermore, the track is noticeably more mature with lyrics that outline the uncertainty that comes with relationships (“I want to peer over the edge and see in death if we are always the same”). But, Boucher did say via tumblr that she scrapped the lost album “cuz it was depressing and [she] didn’t want to tour it.” In my opinion, Claire should release the album alongside her other music and not tour for it. If not for the fact that history alone proves that the most remembered albums are born from tragedy, pain, depression, and heartbreak (“In Utero,” “Elliott Smith,” and Lykke Li’s “I Never Learn” all come to my mind), then because “REALiTi” is a sonic step in the right direction and has been the best song to grace my ears this year thus far. But whatever Grimes decides to do, “REALiTi” was a great way to start Spring – with a warm breeze.
What did you think of this track? Why? We would love to hear your opinion, so please comment!
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Welcome back, faithful readers, as we return to the blossoming landscapes of the music scene. After a month-long hiatus in conjunction with the barren music scene reminiscent to a grandmother’s nether regions on Valentine’s Day, we can finally bow to the West and sing our praises to the executives in their high-end mansions for granting us a rather plentiful coming-of-Spring harvest of music that I can get around to reviewing. God knows you all can’t get through the day unless you know my opinions on every single thing conceivable. No, that’s not me trying to act conceited to try and reassure myself that I haven’t gotten soft over the break, and I’ll murder anyone who says otherwise.
Perhaps I went a little too far with that opening. Let’s try again: Remember when “American Idol” produced halfway decent musical acts? I do. Carrie Underwood, Lee DeWyze, Chris Daughtry. Actual tolerable musicians who could sing and write. Granted, they were still mostly factory farm musicians, cultivated by the wrinkled hands of Simon Cowell whenever they can be unwrapped from the neck of an aspiring artist, wringing out any hope they may have had at pursuing a career in their dream job before passing the poor bastard over to Gordon Ramsay to be beaten with a spatula and called a “fucking twat.” My point is, rarely has anyone been on “American Idol” and actually sounded tolerable to me.
One exception, however, is the very first winner: Kelly Clarkson. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m a fan, but more of a “single fan.” You know “single fans,” right? When somebody says they’re a fan of a particular artist, but the only songs they know are the singles released and they haven’t made any type of effort into finding more of that performer’s material. That’s basically me with Kelly Clarkson, but I’ll be damned if I don’t absolutely adore most of what she does, especially her material spanning from winning “American Idol” all the way up to when she released the song “My Life Would Suck Without You.” I say that because, since then, a majority of her songs have been hit-or-miss with me. But I’ve felt like that’s unfair to say all her music since then has been bad, especially since I’ve never listened to a whole album since “Breakaway.” So, with that, we delve into the appetizer of the newly christened Feast of Spring by looking at Mrs. Clarkson’s latest work.
I’m so used to Kelly being this tough, pop girl with a rock edge that has no issue whatsoever flipping you off and stealing your Huffy if you piss her off but is also sensitive and has a broken side. I guess I’ve listened to “Since U Been Gone” too many times and have unfairly given her this label. With that in mind, when the fuck did she start making music that sounds like a funeral dirge? I’m not saying that it’s bad. In fact, it’s far from it. Her lyrics are still heartfelt and genuine, but Jesus, the depressing feel tends to drag like a dachshund’s manhood through a bear trap. I say “depressing,” but it’s more like subdued pop. Like when an R&B singer wants to transition into the pop scene but doesn’t want to dive headfirst into the twerking and goofy party lyrics. I can’t throw too many complaints in that department because I’ve been a strong advocate for style change and maturation among musicians, and now being a mother and wife in her early 30’s, Kelly can’t play the spunky young woman forever, which is ok. I didn’t expect that from Linkin Park, and I’m not expecting it from Kelly (although Kelly appears to be handling the transition a little better than Linkin Park did).
One thing that about this album that I’ve found that I’ve been able to draw parallels to her other work is that she still manages to sound genuine and write about what she knows, check out the album’s title track for a good example of that. But another thing I’ve noticed is that she manages to write in just a way that you could put any type of music behind the lyrics and it manages to work out, and that’s something that she doesn’t shy away from on this album. Although most of the music has that sort of subdued and safe sound, there are some upbeat songs and even songs with a funky R&B beat to them that manage to take the lyrics and give them their own feeling and meaning, but can be spun a completely different way if a different musical style is used. Normally, some people would call that a bad thing, saying that it keeps the songs from having their own sense of identity. Feel free to put your Guy Fawkes masks though because anonymity is exactly the opposite of her lyrics. It’s this versatility of her songwriting that makes her such a pleasure to listen to.
In retrospect, I liked this album a lot more than I thought I did while initially listening. I think this is mainly helped by the additional tracks found on the extended version rather than the normal album. With that said though, it’s still a solid enough work and pleasant enough listen, despite having the more “lazy Sunday” type feel to it than what most of her prior work had been. I still prefer Clarkson’s earlier work, especially since her true vocal range is better explored in those songs than it is on this album, but it’s likely I will revisit this album sometime.
Get out the candles, strike up the confetti, and prepare for some shameless self-promotion because today is my birthday! Ok, as of writing this, my birthday has already come and gone faster than a college barfly hitting up the 35+ crowd during Working Women’s Wednesday. Sadly, if you’re not from West Virginia or a working woman, then that reference is sure to lose you, but let’s not let that detract from the blatant inefficiency in keeping my reviews updated in a timely manner and take a look at the newest Papa Roach album “F.E.A.R.” And yes, I’m aware the full title is “Face Everything and Rise,” but I’m not going to spend the time typing up that whole title when they decided to abbreviate it for us. You wouldn’t continually type “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” every time you needed to. No, you’d call it “Spotless Mind” or “That Good Jim Carey Drama.”
I’ve been a fan of Papa Roach for quite a long time, and it surprised me to no end when I realized that, this being their eighth album, I’ve still yet to actually listen to one of their albums entirely aside from their “Greatest Hits” album, which essentially was a pointless purchase on my part considering every song except the new single were ones I’d already listened to, enjoyed, learned the words to, told my friends about, and then cried those angsty teen tears that Papa Roach needed to supply themselves with during that nu-metal phase that everyone was into but now looks back on with disgust yet secret admiration and longing for, kind of like that legless cashier with the lazy eye working at the local 7-11. Or, to put it in a way that doesn’t appeal to the amputee fetishists that are sure to be a part of the reading populace: I’m like a One Direction fan. I love practically everything they release, yet never actively buy the albums or listen to anything other than the singles because I can’t be bothered.
With that disadvantage glaring in my face like a boil on the face of the prom queen, I started the album and was surprised to hear from the get-go that the band started off with a more tolerable mixture of hard rock that they had in “Metamorphosis” and the electronics implemented on “The Connection.” After the scathing criticisms that’d been leveled at the prior release, it was clearly the right idea to move away from a formula that wasn’t working as well as hoped and went back to a relatively better known and enjoyed style of musicianship, unlike some bands I can (Linkin Park) mention. Unlike Linkin Park, however, Papa Roach has seemingly regressed with their lyricism with each album, which is a pretty astounding thing given the fact they never really had the strongest lyrics to begin with.
With that in mind though, the band continually shows off their talent as musicians, spearheaded by Jacoby Shaddix’s vocal style. It would surprise many people to know that there’s actually some pretty complex musicianship on this album, unfortunately, it tends to be covered over by the other instruments or Jacoby’s voice, so many times the less intricate stuff ends up being heard instead, which surely helps fuel any anti-Roach sentiment out there, but I can promise that there’s none from me.
The other real problem I have is that this record seems to suffer from the “Let’s get it out there already” syndrome that many seem to suffer from nowadays. That is, the first two or three songs and the final track are usually fantastic in comparison to the rest of the album, and the rest just seems to sound like filler material to fill some contractual record company obligation to have an appropriate number of songs before release. That’s not to say that the songs are bad, they just aren’t what I was hoping. Or, at the least, they could have spent a little extra time working on them in order to get the full potential out of this record.
For the most part, the record is solid enough and should be suitable for the Papa Roach fan in your life. Probably not what I’d use to try and get somebody interested in the band, but not bad either. You keep doing you, Papa Roach. While you’re at it, tell Mama Roach I said “Hi,” wherever she may be.
I think it should be absolutely no surprise to anyone that I absolutely love Mel Brooks, especially his movie “History of the World: Part 1.” There’s a funny bit in the beginning about how the cavemen created music on accident by dropping rocks onto their feet and then taking the pained screams of their friends and making it become rhythmic in order to form a song. I hope that doesn’t sound indicative of my feelings toward this album. Or maybe it does.
Fashion Week is the new album by the seemingly now-defunct experimental hip-hop group Death Grips. There was some speculation buzzing around the internet towards the latter part of last year in regards to the album after a few songs were leaked onto Reddit and people picked up on the fact that it was just music without any vocals. Well, surprise to all you Death Grips fans out there, but this is an entirely instrumental album. Now, I really enjoy instrumental music because, let’s face it, you don’t always need a vocalist to make a song work. If written and executed well, a song can be just as spellbinding, emotional, and story-driven without vocals as those that have them. With that being said, I do tend to have an issue with an album made entirely of instrumentals and nothing else. Maybe it’s just me and how I’ve been conditioned to need vocals in music, but I feel that I’m just wasting my time and things tend to drag on with an all-instrumental album of anything that isn’t classical symphonic music.
I can’t really say that I was disappointed going into this album because I’d never heard of Death Grips before, but after being forcefully assigned…I mean choosing…this album, I decided to look them up (not listen, mind you) and had seen the acclaim that they’ve been given, especially toward vocalist MC Ride. So, naturally, having the main praise receiver being noticeably absent from the album is a bit disheartening to those first getting into the group and this album being their induction. But as I said before, music can be just as moving without a vocalist, and damn if this music doesn’t move…at the speed of a geriatric donkey. I’d read that the band tends to take influences from industrial music and “noise” music, and damned if that isn’t present. The boops and bings and other random noises present alongside the industrial synth beats grows tired and grating very quickly. That’s not to say that it’s all bad, but it does get old far too quick for its own good.
I’ve heard that this is supposed to be a soundtrack for and lead up to another album titled The Powers that B. Whether or not any of the music present on this album will be featured on the next remains to be seen. Honestly, I’d like to see that. A majority of the music on this album, although annoying and tiresome, was actually really well done, and I’d actually enjoy hearing what MC Ride could do with it, especially given how good he supposedly is. But as it stands right now with this album, I’m not sure I’m too intent on looking up any of their prior music.
As the year reaches its end, I wanted to take a minute and acknowledge the people who help make this website possible: You guys. The fans. Everyone at this site strives to make the best possible material for you guys, and to have you with us as we continue to grow in size and capability is truly something to be thankful for.
I also want to thank you guys for welcoming me here. I know that it can be difficult to be accepting of a new face (believe me, I’m a fan of Rooster Teeth, but the fans seem to maul every new person that shows up). So, I want to extend my sincerest gratitude for allowing me to write and review albums and giving me your time and attention to read them.
Now that we have a brand new year coming up, I can now begin to write more for you all, maybe even extend my reviews outside rock and metal. It’s an experience that I’m excited for, and I couldn’t be happier having you all with me. Thank you again for all of your support and we hope to see you again in 2015.
Have a safe and happy holiday season. Sincerely, Aaron.
When Edward Pola and George Wyle wrote “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” back in 1963, I don’t think they really took into consideration at just how awful this time of the year really is. Black Friday, nonstop Christmas music, Christmas in general, Finals Week if you’re in college like me, and worst of, year-end lists. Specifically, “Worst of” year-end lists. Yes, if you’re someone running on a mixture to the equivalent of a concrete milkshake and couldn’t infer by the title, it’s time to chronicle the worst songs that the music industry has decided to shovel at us. I promised myself when I took on the task of helping write reviews for this site that I wouldn’t punish myself by listening to cancerous shit like this, but I’ll be damned if that’s not what I’m doing right now, not just because I love the fans of this site and want to help provide quality content for them, but also because I’m naturally just a glutton for punishment. So, without any more roundabout bullshit, let’s collectively hook a car battery to our nuts and endure this pain together.
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10. “Jealous” – Nick Jonas
After his first single “Chains” was a massive letdown, Nick Jonas needed to come up with something to help convince everyone that he truly is his own man and performer, no longer shackled by the old Jonas Brothers life that he used to have before. So what does he do? He releases this. Now, I’ve gotta side with Nick for the fact that I can honestly relate to the sentiment of the song. I’ve felt extremely jealous over the fact that other guys have interacted with my (now ex) girlfriend. The whole song is meant to say, “Hey, I love you. I don’t mean to seem like an asshole and overprotective, but I don’t want to lose you.” I could get into this song if it wasn’t so childishly written and he sounds like a cat getting its testicles caught in a vice. Of course, that’s what I’ve come to expect from someone whose initial career-boosting move was to wear a purity ring to help sell more records. We can’t all be perfect, I suppose.
9. “Anaconda” – Nicki Minaj
Chances are, if you haven’t at least heard of this song by this point in your life, you’re probably one of those people who lives under a rock and only chooses to stick their head above ground to periodically check and see if the world has faced some sort of cataclysmic end, or if you need to go buy milk. I suppose this is an uncontroversial choice to have on the list, but I have it on here, not solely because it is a terribly written song about fucking guys and the size of one’s ass, nor is it about the shameless and all-around terrible usage of a 90’s rap classic from Sir Mix-a-Lot. No, I have it here to convey to the industry and to artists in general that asses are overdone and nobody wants to hear about them anymore. You’re not Timberlake bringing back some lost art form or feel to music, you’re pandering to the lowest common denominator and it lessens you as an artist, a songwriter, and music listener in general. I certainly hope I don’t have to hear another song about asses today…
8. “0 to 100 / The Catch Up” – Drake
Oh, look, it’s everyone’s favorite crippled Canadian Lil Wayne wannabe. Alright, he’s not actually crippled, but his songwriting skills are certainly on par with someone who’d surely have a flatline if you hooked their brain up to a brainwave scanner. Aside from the fact that his voice is just so fucking boring, I honestly can’t understand the message of this song. It starts out being a song about how you can achieve anything that you want if you try, sticking to the same tones that surely have given Drake his well-known pussy persona, and then it changes into a song about being famous, getting women, and just all around thinking he’s better than everyone else, a trope I’m absolutely sick of in rap music. I can’t understand you, Drake. The tone of your songs, especially this, seem to change tone extremely fast, like going from zero to a’hundred real quick…but what do I know? It’s not like I’m someone on an intellectual level of Drake. I suppose only then I could ever appreciate his work.
7. “Hey Mami” – Delora
What the hell? I mean, honestly, what is this? The only words I was able to decipher out of this EDM garbage fest of noise was, “Het, mami, give me some cash. I want to go to the party and show my ass.” Time to pull out the sexism card, but, if you actually have an ass that men even want to look at, you can just show it to some guy and he’ll gladly take you wherever and get you whatever, no cash needed. For women, it’s one of the great things about being able to manipulate men using their dicks, we’re too stupid to know any better because all our blood went from our brain to our cock. But, I digress. The music is the true tragedy of this song. I remember reading on EDMSauce.com that this song is a “certified banger” and that Delora is a relatively unknown band. I’ll give them this: If by “certified banger,” you mean you’ll be banging your head against a wall in agony, then you’re certainly right. And as for being relatively unknown, perhaps it’s best that they stay that way.
6. “23” – Mike Will Made-It (feat. Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa, and Juicy J)
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why? Why does this shit get made? I really want to know. Look, I gotta be honest with you all, I’m pretty sure I fell asleep during this song. I must’ve because I honestly can’t remember anything outside the opening part when Miley sings about being high off “purple drank.” Oh, wow, cough syrup and soda. Aren’t you just a total fucking rebel. Call me when you decide you no longer want your Build-a-Bear, then we’ll truly know you’ve gone to the Dark Side. Get a fucking grip, people. I’m pretty sure my brain melted and fell out during this song over just how abhorrently boring this pile of tripe is. Here’s something for you all, boring words and music will almost assuredly land you on a list like this. Hell, that’s why every other song is on here.
5. “Booty” – Jennifer Lopez (feat. Pitbull or Iggy Azalea)
If you remember exactly 584 words ago, I informed you all on my wish to not have to listen to another song about asses today. What differentiates this from “Hey Mami” though is whereas “Hey Mami” is about partying, this song is purely about ass. No hidden messages, no other notes. Ass. That is all. The sad thing about this song isn’t really even the bland delivery or the iffy verse by Iggy, it’s Jennifer Lopez. J-Lo, listen to me, you’re 45 years old. Stop acting like Madonna and trying to make yourself relevant by making half-baked music about your aging body, using up-and-coming artists which may or may not be selling any records come this time next year in the hopes of trying to reinvigorate a career that nobody wants to see continue. Please, stop. Just, stop.
4. “Lifestyle” – Rich Gang (feat. Young Thug and Rich Homie Quan)
Oh, come on. I can’t make fun of this. I’d get every politically correct person on my ass for insulting the work of a mentally handicapped person…Wait, nobody on this song is actually retarded? Oh, well never mind then. I’m sure I could be easily excused for believing that a few of these guys were given the constant blabbering and unintelligible vocals in this song. Truthfully, I didn’t even bother to look up the words to this. I don’t even think there are any words, just people imitating dogs trying to lick peanut butter off the roof of their mouths.
3. “Hello Kitty” – Avril Lavigne
Anybody remember back when Avril Lavigne was this “Don’t fuck with me” kind of performer, lending a slight pop sound to an overall solid and stand-your-ground modern rock style that made her a star? Anybody? Those were the good days. Now, ever since she married that one guy from that one punk band that nobody even likes, and is now married to and working with Chad Kroeger (yes, THAT Chad Kroeger), she seems to have lost any edge she had and is now doing stuff like this. I have no problems with people leaving their original art styles, but my God, when you dump your original sound for a synthy J-pop sound with dubstep inspired instrumentals and lyrics so borderline offensive to the Japanese that it wouldn’t surprise me if they raised Godzilla from the depths to attack the entirety of the Western World, then you’ve done something wrong.
2. “7/11” – Beyoncé
Personally, I never thought Beyoncé was good. Actually, she’s extremely overrated and her music is, for the most part, atrocious. That’s right, I said it. Bring on the throngs of unbridled hatred. I’ve always been led to believe that, in her music, Beyoncé is the physical embodiment of female power. I’d be willing to believe that had this song actually had anything to do with that. Instead, like so many of her other “tough woman” songs, it’s horrendously boring, lyrically bland, she sounds like she’s choking on a cock, and worst of all, it’s unconvincing. Beyoncé, you’re not a hustler. You’re not a bad bitch. You’re not a queen or anything else. You’re a woman from Houston who’s married to a fucktillionaire. Nothing more, nothing less. Embrace it, for Christ’s sake. Maybe then you’ll finally be able to make some decent music. God knows you haven’t done that since your days with Destiny’s Child.
1. “Wiggle” – Jason Derulo (feat. Snoop Dogg)
I really don’t understand the appeal of Jason Derulo. In the earlier part of his career, he tried being the sorta-sensitive guy to try and get the ladies with a monotonous autotune voice, and now, he doesn’t use autotune, thankfully, but has now become a grab-assing misogynist who is solely focused on ass and saying that he’s better than everyone else. Now, let me state that, I also have an issue with his song “Talk Dirty” for the exact same lyrical reasons as I hate this song. The only difference between “Wiggle” and “Talk Dirty” is the fact that “Talk Dirty” actually had a pretty good beat and one of the best building bass lines I’ve heard in a song, whereas in “Wiggle,” it’s a kazoo. Yes, a third grade band instrument and a drum beat are all this song have going for it. Add on the stupidest lyrics about watching women shake their asses I’ve ever heard put to paper (remember, I just listened to a bunch of ass songs already), and probably the worst Snoop Dogg verse ever recorded. This song is a mess. And not the bad-but-it-can-be-somewhat-forgiven-because-of-great-music kind of mess like “Talk Dirty,” but the kind of mess that happens when you decide to have a feast of Mexican food and accidentally cover it in laxatives instead of hot sauce.
So, there we have it, the ten worst songs of 2014. Was it a bad year for music? Absolutely, but it could always be worse. A dishonorable mention goes out to the following songs:
Much like the dreamer in “Chocological,” I am definitely a sweet tooth. I love my candy bars and my cookies. Being the sweet tooth I am, I have put forth the effort to stay healthy which I do by jogging. Before I get home, I make it a priority to stop at the gas station on my jogging route and pick up a candy bar. I usually chose a king size Reese’s Cups until Peanut Butter Snickers were introduced to my gas station. There was no king size, so I just bought one regular. One day, however, I bought two packs of Snickers (to make a king size) because they tasted so good. After devouring the second pack, I realized that I had made a big mistake. I had possibly one of the worst stomach aches that I have ever suffered.
Mili started started as a small side project between composer Yamato Kasai (a.k.a. HAMO) and vocalist/lyricist momocashew and later became a full-sized group with drummer Shoto Yoshida (of J-rock band NOVELS) and bassist Yukihito Mitomo joining the crew in 2012. According to the Project Mili website, stylist Ame Yamaguchi and illustrator/animator Ao Fujimori are also members of the group. It’s always great to know that Mili considers the people working on other aspects of their music as more than just creative consultants. Project Mili’s fanbase has grown rapidly over the past few years due to their music appearing in the artistic iOS/Android rhythm games “Cytus” and “DeeMo” from Rayark Games.
Before I get into the music aspect of this critique, I would like to mention two things that stood out to me. The first thing that I noticed was “Mag Mell’s” gorgeous artwork. I’m a sucker for fine album artwork. It seems Project Mili is a group that is cut from same cloth as Studio Killers in this respect–i.e. they put as much creativity into their album artwork, etc. as they do their music. The second thing I noticed was the album title: “Mag Mell” which, for lack of a better term, made me nerdgasm. “Mag Mell” is likely a reference to Final Fantasy being that HAMO is, according to momocashew in an email interview with yours truly, “inspired by orchestral music from retro Japanese role-playing games, such as older Final Fantasy titles.” If I’m wrong, “Mag Mell” could also be derived from the Celtic mythical realm as momocashew is a fan of ethnic and folk music. Both are very possible and are a good fit as listening to this album can be a dreamy and magical affair.
As far as the music goes, “Mag Mell” is a mixed bag [of candy]. Project Mili identifies themselves under “electronica” and “orchestral” genres, yet they gleefully blend pop and rock elements so much so that they more resemble said genres. momocashew’s pop sensibilities shine here as she weaves together catchy, hook-laden choruses with her imaginative and complex lyrics. For example, my favorite song on this album, “Nine Point Eight,” best represents this with a killer hook and a musical composition that soars higher than that of any other song on “Mag Mell.” I absolutely adore momocashew’s vocal delivery which is so sweet that it could make Kyary Pamyu Pamyu feel old and ugly. I also like how the happy melodies of “Nine Point Eight” contrast with the macabre lyrics. Another example of this resemblance to pop is found in the track “Chocological” which contains a high concentration of pure saccharine vocals, descriptive lyrics, and off-kilter chiming. The mix is surprisingly attractive. It will give you a Willie Wonka-induced sugar high, but delicious imagination cannot be wasted.
The first half of “Mag Mell” is top-heavy with other great songs. “YUBIKIRI-GENMAN” is a ballad that is beautiful enough to comfortably fit into a Freebird game. However, the song doesn’t necessarily feel compatible with the others in the sequence as there have been no overwhelming moments on the album thus far to warrant a ballad. It is proceeded by “Sacramentum:Unaccompanied Hymn for Torino”. This other highlight is hymn-like and best represents the magical feeling of “Mag Mell”. “Sacramentum…” is lively with momocashew’s radiant vocals which speak in an imaginary language, but somehow manage to transcend that language.
While the first half of “Mag Mell” is excellent, the latter half of this album is utter chaos. The tracks now become noticeably longer. There are more instrumentals. This is not say that there is anything wrong with instrumentals or that there should be six more “Nine Point Eight’s”, but the “orchestral” pieces don’t always capture the whimsy, elegance, or atmosphere the first half of the album worked so hard to create. It starts with “Ephemeral”–a song with a Kingdom Hearts-esque fight scene feel. It would serve greatly as a climax if the album was building up to this point. “Imagined Flight” is another decent song that has the potential to define the album if said song was made to be more blissful and less aggressive. All of the songs that follow will leave a bitter taste in your mouth. It’s evident by the musical compositions that the members of Project Mili are skilled musicians. On the last half though, they reject the cheerful pop sound that is so prominent in the first half and replace it with obnoxious instrumentals that overshadow momocashew’s vocals.
Did I mention that I happen to be a sweet tooth when it comes music as well? I most definitely am. I love vocal hooks and luscious synthesizers, so one listen to “Mag Mell” would make you think that this album is made for me. “Mag Mell” is like the Peanut Butter Snickers. Eat half of the King Sized and you have a delicious treat. Eat both halves you might find that you bit off more than you could chew. One listen per sitting–that is the recommended serving size.
As our lives progress, we learn that life is nothing more than a sick game of duality with giddy, orgasmic highs and torturous lows. Nowhere is this more evident than listening to J-pop (or really any form of Asian pop music), especially in the kawaii aspects of it. For every group or artist like Nogizaka46, you have countless others that just take high-pitched vocals and out-of-place music that just makes you want to drive rail spikes into your ears and slap them together. And that’s the biggest issue with most Asian pop music: It never matches. It’s like taking the vocals from “Free Bird” and splicing them with the music from “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” and expecting the end result to not sound like an unholy train wreck.
Mag Mell is a pretty good example of that exact comparison. When I listen to each song, I expect something to happen, even a miniscule form of cohesion, but that never comes outside of the first couple of songs. In fact, after the first couple songs, the album becomes pretty irritating, and this is coming from a J-pop fan.
Even though I find a good portion of this album aggravating, it actually isn’t bad. In fact, it has a few good things going for it: Momocashew, overall, is a very good vocalist. She has the traditionally sweet vocals you’d expect with this type of music and is quite pleasant to listen to. The music is well-written and performed, especially the piano and string songs which are conducted and performed masterfully. Even the lyrics in a few songs are very good, sometimes emphasizing or giving a stark but unique duality to their meanings in comparison to the music.
With that in mind, it’s hard for me to hate this album, but I can’t find myself enjoying it much, if at all. The songs just don’t all seem to come together for a solid, cohesive sound for an entire album, and even manages to totally fall apart and destroy promising songs. In the end, even for J-pop fans, especially my kawaii brethren out there, this album probably isn’t for you.
I saw the comment a few seconds after it was tweeted and was the first to identify the band with
@LauraJaneGrace @bleachersmusic?
I deleted that tweet once Laura Jane Grace (of Against Me!) responded to me, which is apparently the closest I will get to her autograph. Jack Antonoff is the lead singer of Bleachers, btw. It went on like this.
thefalloftroy 